"really" making new friends!
Watch this postIs it just me, or am I missing something?? I have tried joining several groups~ (U3A, National Trust, RSPB, walking groups, etc, etc)~ and good though they all are in their own ways, I have made no "real "friends'.
I am fairly sociable and outgoing and reasonable intelligent, so I Can communicate well ~BUT~ ~ The groups all meet at the appropriate times and places, the individual activities are participated in, the session ends, and we all go home! Try as I might, Nobody wants to pursue the "acquaintances"~ (I use that word rather than the word "friend")~ outside of these groups, even though I have suggested to some of the folks I Seem to get on with that we might meet outside the group for a coffee, or anything else. They all scuttle off like frightened rabbits and don't appear to want to take it any further. I have noticed that most of the folks seem to come in twos or threes, so already Know others with whom they have closer/longer friendships.
One lady actually said, "~I don't need to make any more new friends, I have enough already". Think it just about sums it up! So ~ ~ this mythical idea that joining groups allay loneliness to me seems the exact Opposite!
I feel more lonely and isolated at the end of the sessions than before I went in! It's "goodbye, see you next month", and everyone is gone!
Any suggestions? Does anyone have similar experiences??
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My OH joined a few U3A groups and after two years some of the members now speak to him!
I did voluntary work some years ago and no wish to do any more. Not into line dancing, etc. so have given these groups a miss.
I always make an effort to go out an about whether it be shopping, garden centres etc. or a coffee or two.
I do go out with friends for lunch on occasions but they all have partners or family commitments and I do not wish to intrude into there lives.
I travel alone usually to Europe I have met new people and made new friends whilst I have been on holiday and we do keep in touch by telephone or a odd coffee morning if they live local and we arrange to meet up on holiday sharing some of our holiday time together but also doing our own thing it seems to work for us.
I cannot come up with any positive suggestions but just thought I would share my experiences.
I have found meet up groups on line locally but they do seem to be for the younger generation and the one group in my age group stipulated that it was only open to members with no children.
However I do feel the benefit of having the company for a couple of hours.
I also joined The Community Council hoping to make friends and learn about the local area and I find the meetings interesting but yet again I have no contact with the members out with the meetings.
I make an effort to keep in touch with friends I have know for many years and mostly theses were friendships formed in the workplace' ,parents of my children's friends and my best friend of over 50years that I met in first year at secondary school despite the fact I moved to Scotland and she remains in Hampshire we are in constant contact.
My newest new friend is a lady I met through volunteering and we share a good laugh and have a real connection as it turned out she knew my Father who died in 1990 as they lived in the same village.
I Don't have any other suggestions! That's why i have "reached out " to others to see if They have any ideas!
We Did meet a couple a few years ago ,and were on the same wavelength; we got to know them very well, gradually increasing our levels of trust and interaction, leading to days out,meals at each others' homes,etc etc, even talked about going on holiday, looked after their animals, shared gardening hobbies, the lot, Then, after a long since,when new knew they had a Lot of family problems and had also taken on a lot of new work linked with they church ~we were Dumped, as being "surplus to requirements, we don't have any time now for friends". Devastated and now totally lacking in trust .
How would You react to that sort of behaviour? It's Certainly NOT very "Christian" of them.
Time for Church matters, but Not friends.