Step Mother
Watch this postAfter nearly 30 years of silence, my step mother used a private detective to track me down and sent a letter to my home address. During this time our Dad whom we were not allowed to see died. We were not tracked down then so consequently were denied the chance to attend his funeral. I sent her a pleasant email in reply as I did not want her turning up on my doorstep and her letter out of the blue quite freaked me out.
My sibling and I were badly treated by this women when we were children. Our own children have been born, grown, married and have children of their own. Never once has this woman remembered a birthday of any of the children or grandchildren in our family.
Now after all this time she is demanding their addresses and wants to make contact with them. She has her own blood relations whom I think she may have fallen out with and I believe thinks our lot will do instead.
What can we do? We don't want her turning up on our doorsteps and given that she denied us the chance to see our father or attend his funeral we are all quite annoyed by her behaviour. What advice can you give us?
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This woman was friendly to me, but had no children of her own. I never found it easy to relate to her. She was simply my father's wife. I had no relationship with my father (his choice) so I rarely saw either of them. I married, had children. My father died in 1982 and his wife remarried 10 years later. That husband died. My father's wife just died at the age of 93.
My brother asked about how to list me in the obit. I didn't want the word 'stepmother' used as the woman and I were never close.
My brother distanced himself from age 20 and now is reaching out to my adult children. They make their own decisions about how to handle this. It does irk me he is doing this after 50 years of ignoring me.
My point with this explanation is that people show you who they are. Granted, your 'stepmother' is lonely. Sometimes the hurt is too great and like they say, 'you can't go home again.'
Nancy
If I were you, I would insist on knowing why this woman has tracked you down and if you don't get a satisfactory reply then I would tell her that you don't want any further contact and I definitely wouldn't give her any of your family's addresses. You were badly treated by her and denied access to your father - why would you want to bother with her?