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6th Jun 2019 14:45:17
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Hello I am new please be kind I am a bit shy also I didn't realise this was based in the UK but, we are all human beings with feelings thoughts opinions. So , my brief issue is I find myself at my age 60 needing to move, I'm in a small town right now, everyone is married how I ended up here is not a pretty story , but that is the past. I need to find some friends get out socialize , as this is not the type of town to do those things in trust me, when you see people in the corner with white sheets over their body you know your in the wrong town. With no culture here, single people, nothing, how do I know where to move to? I have no family left no friends, and am very cautious in that now, how do I know where to go have been researching till I'm blind but these websites contradict themselves sometimes . Anyway wondered what anyone thought. I'm a very caring person thinking of others first which is probably how I ended up in this situation. I'm staying with someone right now, and my job I can do anywhere in the world . Well thank you for anyone who read this God bless.
17th Mar 2019 08:34:14
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Hi suffolknan

I was widowed in 2017, and six months later decided to move from the family house we had lived in for twenty years, to another town.

I felt I needed to move on, and my daughter was finding it hard being in the house with an empty chair where her Dad used to sit. Another reason for moving was to go to a newer property with less maintenance.

We have been in the new home for nearly a year now, and I am very pleased that we did it. I am quite a shy person so I knew I wouldn’t be making lots of new friends, however I have joined a writing group which has given me lots of confidence as well as a new hobby. We have also found our neighbours to be very friendly (we are in a small close of just nine houses).

I won’t pretend it was easy, I had a lot of sleepless nights worrying if I was doing the right thing, but now I’m glad it did it. I did a lot of reasearch into the area we moved to, and we saw a lot of houses before we found the one that was right for us.

I would say take your time, do a lot of research and then you will find the right place
16th Mar 2019 22:53:37
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I too am in your position. The downside is that when you have sold up there is no going back. The upside is that you can always move back to rent in your current area. This is hard isn’t it x
3rd Mar 2019 11:43:45
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New to this but hope I am making contact with handygirl.
Please don't get yourself in such a tangle with what you will do once your husband has died. For now just enjoy any time you have left with him.
Afterwards you will have a period of inner turmoil before you will feel able to make any decision. When things have settled you will see things more clearly.
My husband used to tell me that if left alone I would be all right in Cornwall where we had moved to. It was his dream not mine and he had 10 years there. Hence lived his dream. I don't drive and did not like being so far from my family. Yes I would have been all right there, I had made some good friends there but after 4 years decided to move up country nearer my daughter. Easier to get about on public transport from here and I see more of my sisters. It was the moving away from my husbands dictates that was the hardest. Felt very disloyal BUT at the end of the day you will be most important in your life. Take each day as it comes and have a care for yourself.
30th Jan 2019 06:22:40
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I am new here and this is my first post so please be kind! I am currently in Australia having emigrated here with my husband to be with my daughter and family. It’s a long story but things didn’t work out as we hoped and daughter and family now live on the other side of Australia due to work. Two years ago my husband was diagnosed with cancer and is now terminal. We moved where we are as I have a brother here and the grand plan was for all the family to be here but this obviously hasn’t worked out. I have never really felt that this is my home and came to Australia as at the time both my children were going to be here but my son now lives in Amsterdam. As I said it’s a long story. I have always been a little homesick and miss the culture and countryside of England.
I have been thinking a lot about what I should do once I am on my own. With hindsight it was probably not a good idea to come here and I feel a bit cheated that my family have now moved away. My instinct is to go home although I would not be able to return to where we lived in Cheshire England as it would be too expensive, plus people I know have moved on. I do have a brother in England still but we are very different people and I would not want to live where he is. I have been thinking about Yorkshire quite a lot as I really like it and feel at home there, in particular North Yorkshire. We used to go walking regularly in the Yorkshire Dales and loved the North York Moors and the east coast.
My dilemma is whether to go back to England, where I probably would not see much of my daughter and grandchildren here in Australia or stay here, where I would at least be able to see them sometimes. I do have some sort of life here, and have joined a group of women who meet for coffee etc but they are more acquaintances than real friends. My brother and family are here of course but they have their own lives and still work so we don’t really get to see that much of them.
I am just wondering how others have managed the practicalities of moving alone? I am now 68 and the thought of starting over on my own in a new place is very scary, especially moving back from here.
I thought about a retirement community but understand they are bad value, the ongoing costs can be high and the resale and exit fees not good and I don’t know whether I could afford it.
I have seen a few ladies on here from Yorkshire. Does anyone have any advice on suitable places to live. Maybe a market town with a bit going for it and plenty to do for our age group and not too far from the Yorkshire Dales/Moors? I have done some research and Wetherby sounds nice, but too expensive I think, also Knaresborough?
They say you shouldn’t make any decisions for at least a year, but I have known for over 2 years what is coming and so have had plenty of time to think about it. I just feel that Australia is not my home but don’t know if I can manage such a huge undertaking alone at my age.
Sorry for such a long post,
Response from ozziegirl made on 5th Feb 2019 19:07:16
I feel for you, hondygirl. It's a long distance between Australia and Yorkshire. For me, even though I'm Australian, I prefer England. It's so green and beautiful and has real seasons! I particularly love Easingwold in North Yorkshire. It's a little market town north of York with a lot of new housing going up so maybe there's something affordable there. They are super friendly up north. Having said that, Australians are a pretty friendly bunch too. Whereever you end up, do join clubs of interest to you. Have you seen the meetup website? It's worldwide and might help you find something local to you. Good friends are so important in life, especially as we grow older. We can't really rely on our children for our happiness as I know all too well. Maybe consider getting a dog too! You'll have to get out every day for a walk which is healthy and dog walkers always seem to strike up conversations with one another. Not so easy to travel with a dog I suppose but they are quite good company. Honestly, 68 is not that old ... for anything!! Embrace life and you will start to get your confidence back . Good luck.
Response from hondygirl made on 6th Feb 2019 06:36:23
Thanks ozziegirl for your words of encouragement. I was surprised to see someone else from Australia on here. I am still doing research at the moment. I am also considering going back to my roots in Nottinghamshire, I do have a brother there, although not close and a cousin, and might be able to contact a few old friends. I have found there seem to be some nice villages around Newark and Southwell and its not too far from Derbyshire for walks and I do know the area a little bit. Also still trying to work out the finances.
2nd Jan 2019 17:26:39
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Hello, I found myself in a similar situation , I had no choice having to move to a semi rural area . I had to also retire due to I'll health , My whole life had changed over night.., I wouldn't call myself an outgoing type of person , but not shy either, but meeting new friends is proving to be hard.. I have searched for Art classes keep fit classes etc but sadlynothing local to my area..Finacialy I can't afford to move nearer to town so trying my best to settle in my small bungelow that too has proved to be a nightmare down sizing is hard work .. I'm still in contact with my ex husband he really is the only company I have lucky enough he lives just a few miles away.. If any one should be thinking of moving alone to a new area I would think very wiselybefore making that maybe final move ... ...
27th Dec 2018 21:03:16
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Sorry I did not look at the date posted. Well done for all you have done and secceeded at.
27th Dec 2018 21:00:44
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I moved to Spain from the UK but had already made a few friends beforehand. It takes time to adjust when moving home and I would make sure you have a few contacts before moving otherwise you coukd end up in a very lonely place unless you are very outgoing and friendly
20th Sep 2015 09:12:57
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Hi All
I have taken the plunge and moved .... I have not logged onto Silversurfers since then and thank you for the encouraging comments made.
After 6 months it is still a work in progress of course, but I am trying to keep positive and enjoy the adventure. Exploring unfamiliar countryside is good and even mastering the local ring road can be a hoot.
I jumped straight in to joining groups (things in the local library and also U3A) and have made some friends to chat too. Progressing to exchanging contact details and meeting outside of the groups has yet to happen. I am concerned that I will slow down when winter comes and go into hibernation!

The stuff with the kids/family is still painful. It is hard to throw off one's own experience of being/feeling very close to family and then finding they don't feel the same as time moves on.

Next I am going to jump in and write my contact details on little slips of paper to give to people I have got to know. It may sound a bit formal but it might help me through the situation. I think I would be happy if someone gave me their phone and email. So here goes........
Response from Ruball made on 25th Sep 2015 10:59:48
Hi there. Well done for getting stuck into joining new groups and exploring the countryside. I moved to Ireland nearly 5 years ago and didn't know a soul. The first year was spent gardening and DIY in the house and then I started to make friends. I am now involved with a local charity and have friends to go out with and we regularly have days out. It seems to be quite common for family to somewhat reject you as you get older, it has happened to me as well.

You need a hobby for the winter when groups tend to close. Maybe you could suggest days out with some of the people in the groups that you have met. Its nice to chat to people online as well.

Take care. Ruball
Response from gusti52 made on 25th May 2018 12:23:47
Hi there, just wondered if you are still on here and how things are going? Have just relocated as well to Bristol from London and feeling very out of my depth. kind regards Jackie Ashley
Response from jan19512003 made on 15th Sep 2018 11:17:04
Very, Very brave. Wish I was.
Response from suffolknan made on 15th Sep 2018 23:01:25
Hi. Thank you for your responses and encouragement. I have made friends with a few people and we have group outings which I enjoy. I now have to move on for health problems but not too far so i hope to keep up with contacts. Can only live and be nice to everyone you meet so that they want to be friends! Getting older and coping with bodily change is difficult for me but I'm still out there trying!
Response from Tr1sh made on 20th Oct 2018 22:01:41
Interesting subject and great that you have added an update. Very bold thing to do and hopefully it is still working out for you.
25th Aug 2018 16:35:26
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Where to move to when you have to move due to circumstances and your whole life has changed? Is it best to move somewhere completely different to start again or despite everything stay around where you know? I can see both sides and I know at the end of the day it is up to me but what are your experiences of moving on where you are alone? Thanks for any help please. .
Response from CaroleAH made on 25th Aug 2018 23:13:08
I think it mostly depends on why you are having to move. If, as in my case, you have split up with a partner then there might be financial restraints which will dictate where and what you can afford. Have you got family nearby or do they live in places where you would be happy and have you got a lot of close friends where you live at present? I would have loved to have lived near to my daughters but the houses I could afford were right next to the A1 with traffic thundering by day and night! So, I chose to stay in an area near to where I had been living. The advantages are that I see all my friends frequently, I'm still a member of my local U3A and my daughters only live 15 miles away. The disadvantages are that I occasionally bump into my Ex, with his girlfriend, but 5 years down the line I'm happy and enjoying my new life. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! 🙂
24th Jul 2018 03:16:59
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Moving home alone.
Response from Cinebargirl made on 2nd Aug 2018 22:49:13
Wishing you the best, Capricorn. I am a widow as well and I know how stressful it can be to move. I retired and moved 1200 miles away from California to the state of Washington by myself after my husband passed away. I didn't know anyone and it was incredibly stressful. It takes time to sort things out.
24th Jul 2018 03:57:41
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New to this site so in need of opinions as what to do next.
Been widowed some years now & have moved twice within a mile. Loved the town & county where I've been all my life. Made many friends during work & retirement & had a busy social life too.
My daughter has been wanting me to move closer to her ever since her Dad died. Wants to look after me in my dotage!
Well I decided to move nearer her & my son's family last year but all good plans don't necessarily happen.
She was delighted but forgot how stressful upping sticks can be. It was a massive decision that I had made but was determined to go ahead & move.
I thought I was lucky when offer on my house went through & I then spent many weeks travelling to my daughter's when I eventually found a lovely property.
Unfortunately there was to be several hiccups before I finally moved in.
The move was more stressful than expected as I ended up in A &E with heart problems.
During the move & since I seem to have many hours at the hospital or doctors. With all the medication I am feeling very low & -wish I was back home!
Not had the energy most days to go walking (which I love) or go to dancing etc . I've got great neighbours but don't feel able to knock on their door for a chat.
Each week I keep in contact with friends who miss me equally & visit them occasionally.
What do I do.? Stay here & hope I feel better? I blame my choice to move for my health problems so that doesn't help.
Moving back would be costly but maybe I could have a retirement flat.
Not normally down but I feel I've lost my mojo!
27th Mar 2018 13:27:52
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Hello. I am, by nature, adventurous and love to travel - I think I should have been a cowboy in the 1800s, constantly 'movin' on', I have moved homes many times, including abroad, so view myself as having a fair bit of experience to pass on; I hope the following helps.

The two main aspects to your proposed change are selling your home and moving to a different area. A word of caution about selling your home: If, overall, you enjoy your home and area you live in - we all occasionally get a bit fed up with the same daily surroundings - then I would think very seriously before selling your home. I cannot begin to stress the advantages of owning the place in which you live - it is yours, no-one can tell you what to do with it, nor what you can't. Renting may seem viable in this instance, but you surrender a certain peace of mind when you do. Now, to balance that - I rent; I have a very good landlord who appreciates I am a excellent tenant, so there no problems as far as that is concerned, however, I have also had a very poor landlady who started out okay, but then changed completely and made my life a misery for a while - it is pot luck in that respect, though to be fair, the good to 'okay' landlords probably far outweigh the poor ones.

Freeing your home's capital is, well, freeing - it is what I did, but I also have a private pension that tops up my funds - you need to consider the long term implications: at present, unless you have a big mortgage, your 'rent' is zero or fairly negligible, I cannot imagine renting anywhere in your proposed area will come in much under £600 per month for rent alone, £7,200 per year, £36,000 over 5 years. - will your new-found finances bear that? You wish to free funds to allow greater expenditure - I can tell you from experience (not mine, a friend's) having a sizeable pot to draw from can lead to temptation, he spent his in a relatively short space of time and is now, in effect, broke.

Moving to a new area IS exciting, but it will not necessarily solve your feelings of being 'isolated'. I am very happy with my own company so do not feel a need to seek out acquaintances, and so on, but you are not like that and the problems you encounter at present MAY remain with the added disadvantage of not knowing anyone at all.

I am sorry to sound a tad pessimistic, but I have a solid rule of thumb that has served me well: Better to begin with doubts before proceeding with certainty.

Much of what we do in life is made or broken by our attitudes, if you truly feel your current mode of living is truly no longer tenable or desirable AND are the sort who can rise to a challenge, then I say grasp it with both hands, if, however - and this is my concern for you - you are just a bit fed up with your circumstances and feel a change will solve that... well, it might, but it also might not.

Life, as you are no doubt aware, is very short and needs to be grasped by the throat, my instinct is to say 'do it', but only you know whether you actually want to for sound reasons AND have the tenacity to see it through. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. I hope this has helped, if I can further assist you in making this life-changing decision, I'd be happy to lend a listening ea along with Fe ' war stories' about the advantages and the pitfalls.


Response from Lynnh123 made on 14th May 2018 13:06:29
Very interesting read Alan.I have often felt like selling my home and moving to a new area.
I really enjoy my home and garden plus I have great neighbours.
I think that when we get older and one is left to carry on alone life is very different.
You have made me realise that I should be very grateful of what I have and make the most of it.
Thank you.
Kind Regards
Response from Lizzie49 made on 15th Jun 2018 10:55:43
Very interesting and informative. Quite a few topics to ponder when considering a big move. Hope all is going well for Suffolknan whatever decision was made.
25th May 2018 12:31:10
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Hi there, just came across your post and wondered how you are getting on? I have recently relocated from London to Bristol and feeling very out of my depth. Would love to hear how you have settled. x
29th Jan 2018 20:42:57
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Hi. I am new here. You are brave to move alone very adventurous
29th Jan 2018 20:39:35
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You are very brave
15th Jan 2018 11:44:47
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Hello Fellow Silversurfers,

I am very new to this so please forgive me if I have put this in the wrong place, however, I hope it's the right place!

I moved to Devon two years ago with my husband and my youngest daughter who is 27 but came back to live with mum for a while until she sorted herself out after a relationship break up. She is soon to fly the nest again and move back up to the South East so I will miss her companionship and friendship dearly as we are very close.

My husband meanwhile, has a very demanding job and spends time away most weeks.

We live in a very small community in mid Devon (8 miles from Tiverton) and I am struggling to make friends as I don't go out to work.

I am looking to make some friends in Devon within a 30 mile radius, ladies in the age group of 50-70 (I am 60). I am interested in shopping, walks with the dog, preferably on a beach, lunch or coffee outings, most things really but would just like some companionship. I have a good sense of humour and am a friendly person but better in small groups rather than large ones.

If anyone is in a similar position or would be interested to meet up, please reply to my post. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you 🙂
18th Aug 2017 17:04:00
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All the articles on the subject of moving home alone have been enlightening one way or another. Particularly the comment that life is exactly the same everywhere but for the scenery. That really did make me think!

To help me to make the right decision about moving four hours' drive away to Devon it would be good to be able to see into the future but as that's impossible I'm struggling.

I will be 80 soon so a big upheaval would be seriously stressful but I'm quite fit. Why am I thinking about the move? - to be nearer my daughter and family.

My current situation is I have everything I need, a nice home with all amenities to hand and a close friend living next door. But, she suffers from serious heart problems and if she wasn't around I could die in my home and no-one would know due to unfriendly neighbours so I'm not too keen on where I live. With my daughter wanting me to live closer I really don't know what to do. But for my daughter's company (when she's not at work or asleep because she's so busy) it would be a case of starting afresh but what a massive mistake it would be if it didn't work out.

I wish I could answer "what do I want to do". I'm afraid of swapping one location for another and keep thinking "better the devil you know etc.". Has anyone else given up security for such a move. Replies would be good.
Response from Wellies made on 28th Aug 2017 15:02:29
G'day Robanpen,
I know exactly what you mean about moving when you get older. I moved around quite a bit when I was younger. But it was different then. I had a family. So I took my own friends with me i.e. my family and it was much easier to make friends as you were in the workforce, made friends through your spouses friends at work and through your kids. My wife died several years ago, my kids are all grown up with their own kids and live hundreds of miles away so rarely get to see them. I'm lucky if I get a phone call now and again as they are all so ' busy ' and you sometimes feel you have been pushed down to the bottom of the contact list. But can suddenly go to the top of the list when something goes wrong in their ' busy lives ' They seem to have forgotten that you were ' busy '. Mostly by looking after them, spending lots of money on them and trying to give them a happy life. As I've got older I've found ( which I'm sure happens to most of us oldie's ) that I have lost a lot of friends that I have common history with through death, losing touch through them, or me moving, divorces and people taking sides, etc.etc. I've lived out the ' bush ' most of my adult life and have no desire to live in a city, or suburbs. I'm more at home sitting around a campfire, or having a bbq and a laugh with friends rather than going to some fancy restaurant or cafe. But that's just me. Everyone is different. I went to a restaurant recently ( first time in a long time ) with an old mate from interstate who had visited me for a couple of days. A young couple came in and sat at the table opposite us. As soon as they sat down, out came their mobile, or I-pods, or whatever you call them. They never spoke a word to each other. even when their meal arrived, they used their fork to eat their meal and their other hand to operate their mobile. My mate and I shook our heads and wondered whether we were still on the same planet that we were born on when people used to talk to each other face to face. I'm not really bitching about it. It's just the way people's lives seem to end up no matter what you do. Otherwise why are we all on Siversurfers. Life seems a bit sad when you end up talking to strangers through a medium like this, and I certainly didn't think I would end up on something like this. But here I am. I only picked this site by accident, as from memory, I think I typed in seniors chat room on Google and up came this site. So thought I'd have a go at it, not realising it was UK based and I'm in Australia. But reading through a lot of posts loneliness and looking for new friends seems to be the common theme. But don't think it's probably the right site for me as I can't come and have a cuppa and chat with whoever, not sure if I could get used to this type of cyber friendship, plus I find this site so confusing as I have noticed quite a few other people have. I wouldn't know what sort of advice to give you as far as moving at your age Robanpen, or whether you'll ever read this anyway. I retired to a small village 18 years ago where I knew no one and I've found, like some people have mentioned, that I have lots of aquaintances but no real friends. They've all lived here for 200 years, everybody is their cousin or uncle,or they've grown up through school together and are not really interested in making new friends with blow-ins like me especially when you are single. I live in a nice place with a lovely view but a place is only the people you meet and maybe, as you said, ' the devil you know...' It's much easier to make these decisions when you are young and bullet proof. Even although I've ended up a lonely person at least I have a good view across a Bay, own my own place, don't lock the house, or the car,and don't have any traffic lights or parking problems and a beautiful beach in a lagoon just around the corner from me. I feel that I am probably better off than a lot of people. Anyway I've probably waffled on long enough. Just got myself into a writing mood and its helped occupy my mind for a wee while. So good luck to all you Silversurfers and hope you find whatever you are looking for.
Cheers Wellies.
Response from dazydinah made on 21st Dec 2017 18:41:44
Dear wellies. I am in England but reading your post just thought you may be interested that Greenpiece will be surveying in the Antartic in January, with your experience perhaps you could be of some help to them.
25th Aug 2017 11:17:23
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I would like to say again for all the lonely people there is a life ... as I know as my life was different too and found out ... the u3a is a wonderful organisation as it opens up so many windows and doors in life ... read the head office page and enter the area you live in and discover ... especially when you move to new area ... there are riches indeed ... age is no barrier as it is for us who are older like Silver Surfers is .... so live, learn and be happy.

I live in Warwickshire Suffolknan
Response from marmitegranny made on 21st Oct 2017 19:18:49
I was a member of a wonderful U3A for 6 years. I was chairman for 2 years and had loads of friends. I was actively involved in the regional grouping as well. When my marriage broke up, I moved nearer to my family and instantly joined the U3A with full expectation of making new friends and joining new activities. What a disappointment! What an undynamic bunch of oldies! I was used to a mixed group of older and younger members. We younger members made things happen and made it the successful U3A it still is. Members of my local U3A here told me they don't have a big membership as there are too many other things to do in the community. Such a disappointment encountering such a negative outlook. No matter, I have instead joined a dynamic, fun walking group where I am finding the fun and friendship I expected to find in the local U3A. I still miss many of my old friends and my old U3A and always will, but life moves on. Moving to a new area may not be quite what I expected, but there is always a way. Life doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen.
25th Sep 2017 23:41:31
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One of the best ways to make new friends to is join cerock. Form of rock en role jass.
Women dance as beginners from make to male. The goods dancers teach the none dancers
To save. Dame good way to meet people. I never danced. Took me 4 visits to learn the basic moves. Cerock runs holiday to Barcelona for a dance week. Classes all over the world
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