"really" making new friends!
Watch this postIs it just me, or am I missing something?? I have tried joining several groups~ (U3A, National Trust, RSPB, walking groups, etc, etc)~ and good though they all are in their own ways, I have made no "real "friends'.
I am fairly sociable and outgoing and reasonable intelligent, so I Can communicate well ~BUT~ ~ The groups all meet at the appropriate times and places, the individual activities are participated in, the session ends, and we all go home! Try as I might, Nobody wants to pursue the "acquaintances"~ (I use that word rather than the word "friend")~ outside of these groups, even though I have suggested to some of the folks I Seem to get on with that we might meet outside the group for a coffee, or anything else. They all scuttle off like frightened rabbits and don't appear to want to take it any further. I have noticed that most of the folks seem to come in twos or threes, so already Know others with whom they have closer/longer friendships.
One lady actually said, "~I don't need to make any more new friends, I have enough already". Think it just about sums it up! So ~ ~ this mythical idea that joining groups allay loneliness to me seems the exact Opposite!
I feel more lonely and isolated at the end of the sessions than before I went in! It's "goodbye, see you next month", and everyone is gone!
Any suggestions? Does anyone have similar experiences??
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I know how you feel! I would suggest trying a Meet Up group in whatever topic appeals to you in your area. If you go on their website and put in your postcode/area and distance you are willing to travel it will show all the groups available and you can join whichever appeals to you. It has saved my sanity several times as something to look forward to, to break up the loneliness. I haven't managed to arrange a one to one get together after a meeting but at least people who attend are willing to talk to you (that is the point of the organisation) and none of the walking ones I have attended have included people who have come together. On the walking ones, if there is a pub at the end of the walk they tend to meet up there (it makes such a nice difference from everyone scuttling off immediately).
Good luck!
Christine
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Keep well.
I think you're so brave for going to these meetings alone in the first place, I am far too shy to walk into a room or try to meet up with strangers, and as my partner died very suddenly last year I find it is very lonely especially at weekends - I work until 10pm Mon -Fri so that keeps me occupied as I don't drive so don't get home till late with the woeful bus service provided.I'd never have the confidence you obviously have to keep trying new groups.
Anyway, take care and hopefully one of these meetings will have someone who wants to be a proper friend rather than just a member going there to fill an hour or so in,
When we go back to Brum for a visit, no matter what pub we pop into there's someone to have a laugh and a chat with. God, I miss my home town.
I have found the same problem that you have… Sometimes these groups are a little clicky... and those clicks are really hard to break or get into… And sometimes people just join them for the day that they all meet and then prefer to go their separate ways after.
I would suggest you try a church. However don't expect to be greeted warmly right away, as many churches have become more closed off to newcomers. Another unfortunate symptom of our social dilemma today.
Another suggestion is to try volunteer work. It's rewarding and a good icebreaker for meeting others who may be actually looking for friends too.
I encourage you to be kind to someone. If you hear music at the grocery store, dance to it. You would be amazed at the laughs you might get, and that's a good thing to bring smiles wherever you go.
Just some suggestions.
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Also there is a local branch of the National Pensioners Association (Now called "Active") which meets every week in a nearby hall, I have made friends there and had outings, coach holidays and met with them outside of the"Club" Folk I have been able to phone and chat with in these times. It takes a bit of effort, but pays off in the end!.
Things occur by happenstance, I usually only contribute on speakers corner, I was idly browsing when I saw your comment. Until you team up, chat to Silversurfers, they are a great and varied bunch.
I had to stop bowling because of the covid restrictions-2020 was a tough year, wasn't it?
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Not sure how we go about trying to change things......
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Sally
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I can understand how you feel. it can be so lonely sometimes. I have friends who do ring and check I am okay but it is not the same as having a coffee with somebody or a catch up. Or being able to wake up and ring and say do you fancy doing this today. Many of my friends have partners so are not always free and will sometimes cancel.
Married couples can see single people as a threat.
Luckily I am still in work but lockdown has made me start thinking about my life and what retirement will be like. I am not from the village I live in and because I work I don't know anyone locally to make friends with. I speak to people and have just spent past two hours in garden chatting to my neighbour. But I don't socialize with anyone from village. The friends I did have in village moved away.
I drive but sometimes I catch the bus just to be able to chat to people. I think the older you get the harder it becomes.
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It is difficult trying to fit in. I have a very small select group of friends who I chat with when possible. I, too, have tried joining groups but find many people are already in an established friendship group and don’t seem to welcome another woman. Volunteering has helped a little this year. If your life has been troubled then it is understandable that you are wary but I prefer to get to know a person and not judge before I know them better. I do hope things will improve for you, drop a comment if you’d like to chat. Take care.
Thank you for replying. I've lost friends too one of 9 years over a really petty matter and another of 6 years. However like you I do have two solid friends I meet up with from my home city. These women are a bit younger than me one by 27 years and the other by 10 years but we forged our friendships when we worked together in the same nhs trust and kept in touch ever since. Nothing is expected from any of us but we can meet up and chat like it was yesterday. Terrible isn't it all moaning about being Billy no mates and yet get an offer to chat suddenly we're too busy to chat 🙂
I think some single people don't like to think they are desperate to make friends and go off on own to show people they are okay especially if there are couples around. I always thought the idea of solo trips is you all get friendly and get to know each other. Other just find it difficult to talk to new people.
I find when I have joined groups people tend to either come with a friend or have already established friendships so hard to break into group. I find the older I get the harder forming new friendships become, Hopefully you will meet some like minded people.
I have had similar experiences. Some of it was because members of those groups were friends long before I arrived on the scene, some because of age differences with members of the group.
I was a professional dancer many years ago and also owned dance studios. I volunteered to teach a dance class at our local senior center and that did help with making deeper connections for some reason. Go figure...
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I think what you say is sad but true. So many lonely people out there. I do some local volunteering which helps others and me - very hard trying to understand people sometimes! Take care.